I like the new intro better than the previous one, and I'm looking forward to where it goes next. I for one am happy you chose to give the MC his own character illustration (outside of CGs). 

(Edited to add more general thoughts before the nitpick).

I do have one spoiler-y nitpick:

SPOILERS

The 4th wall joke about a certain genre in a certain scene felt really jarring and broke the scene's tension, without a proper payoff. The true payoff to that scene is what happens right after the 4th wall joke, but the joke lessens its impact on the reader since the joke's only apparent purpose is to distract with commentary. 

This is not to say you can't have jokes at the end of a tense scene, this happens elsewhere in this build, and I don't have an issue with those - but it's all about timing. That 4th wall joke, to me, had bad timing. 

As soon as i saw the notification, i knew i had to finally play it!

spoilers beware

first i'll start about the new part at Florine's House:

i like it ! It really gives more background to Asted and also to his relationship with his grandfather (i'll get back to this) aswell as giving us characters we'd want to possibly get back to. I think it is well done to make us like them in the short time they get.

also and that goes for all of the game: i really enjoyed the art (drawings and music), it's really good ! 

now, i have to say : something the story already successed at was the story beats, and i still think they hit well.

the first scene with Raymone, the Scene with the Monster, the second Raymone scene, they really work well with their presentation and execution; the timing, the music, the visual effects... in general the direction is really really really good!  i really loved it !

i do have feedback about the monster scene, i feel like the tension is broken too soon after the jumpscare with the "This is why i hate horror genres" , it's too soon and took me right out of immersion i feel like letting us feel the dread of the scene without breaking it with a joke would have done much better, especially since after Asted  gets teleported we get a scene that breaks off the tension with laughter in a much better way with the introduction of Liam. That way we still have the light hearted begining but with that scene of what may be to come, this more serious side that doesn't feel the need to cut itself with a joke. (also the part about "Equine etiquette" felt out of place to me and undercut the great scene of "the book of primal response" like, Asted would realize the horses are afraid pretty fast, and he realises it by realising he's also afraid of what he's seeing. i get it tells us a bit more about him, but we already got a scene earlier where he says "75 chapters read on etiquette learning thrown out the window" during dinner , so we already got that info.

also also, feels weird how we backtrack after being told Asted and the horse are afraid, then he's like "oh i just thought they were anxious with their master gone" i feel like this sentence shouldn't be here but a while before ? i get that it leads into the "animals posess an unerring sens for the presence of danger" and that sentence is good, but there are ways to get that sentence in without backpedalling, 

while i talk about the monster scene. it may be because i already knew the scene, but it's from there that i started noticing a lot of text errors ! 

i tried to mark down a few while reading so i could give them here (i put in bold what i thought could be correct) :

"I was so sure that i have had already drifted into sleep, for what soon appeared in front of me was the time when we were first making wood crafts together"

"Man... I have  had such poor craftmanship back then."

"I look outside the cart, but it seems we are still in the forest path/ on the forest path"

"Coachman: No, no. We are reaching Vandellon soon though. [...]"

"Having From reading about how you are not supposed to get close to horses from the rear, and my common sense; is telling me it is probably not a good idea to get close to them in such A state, is it?/, uh./Ø .anyway"  (there were some typos but also this sentence felt really convoluted.. i tried changing it a bit but anyways, just , it should be reviewed)

"My nose can barely catch up with my need for air so i uses use my mouth instead"

"The horse became more and more restless with each second passes  passing by"

"the poor things must have been pummeled into a bloody mesh mess, as i watch the window get stained with blood and flesh from below" (While i'm here (hi) let's talk about the horse/horses. from the story i take away there was 1 horse, yet in many sentence it has terms that imply multiple horses... like well "the poor thingSS" or "They" ect, just be careful about those when rereading !)

"I suppose what they think they hear it's is the woods lamenting their grievances about over the unfair treatment of nature or just how lonely they are."

i stopped noting typos after that (i'm sure i didn't note some too) , hope these helped a little , in any case, "a few rereads would do good" is part of the feedback (sorry, i know typing sucks Sim)

ok now that i'm done with that, let's get back to story:

i can't comentate much on the end part beside saying the characters seem cool and it looked great, so i'll get back to the start

Raymone and Asted

i think for the little we have it's really good. i espetially like what was added in the Florine household .. that Asted didn't really know how to feel after raymone's death.

"I was supposed to be sad, was i not? But i wasn't"

before his death however he was restless (litterally) and could barely open the door to his grandpa. 

this scene is also a good settup for Asted's objective and to give more mystery arround Raymond and his past adventures, but uhm , the text also resonated with me and my grandma who had been hospitalized for a while and passed 2 weeks ago. so i feel like Asted's feelings were really valid.. how he felt, and how he wants to know more about Raymone. 

for a final note, it's great, the music and drawings are good, the direction of the scenes and story is good, there is a bit of work with the text itself in some places sure but you can fix that later,

Simon! keep it up! no matter the quality, bring your story to existance ! it's something special , make it better later if needed !

thank you if you read all that... (Hey ! i read your whole story so it's only fair :P )  and my appreciation to everyone who participated in this project